LIVERPOOL'S HULL HAMMERING SHOWS MICHAEL'S TALKING BALLACKS

IT MIGHT "only" be Hull - but Rafa Benitez couldn't have dreamt this one any better.

With doubts about the ability of sides managed by the Spaniard to break down the lesser sides still lingering, the Reds took to the field against Phil Brown's men with the critics still chanting the mantra about last season's glut of draws.

The Tigers were one of the teams responsible for denying Liverpool No.19 last season but there was no chance of them escaping with a draw this time - not with Fernando Torres in this form.

El Nino has rightly hogged the headlines this weekend after his hat-trick of superb finishes but he's not the only one that's got fans rubbing their hands together.

Yossi Benayoun's Peter Beardsley impression is improving by the week - all he needs to do now is say "obviously" a few times in interviews.

Seriously though, his new role ahead of Steven Gerrard against the sides that come to shut up shop at Anfield is proving to be another tactical masterstroke by Benitez.

Add that to the attacking wing play from our full backs and visiting defenders to L4 have got an awful lot on their plate this season - and that's without Alberto Aquilani and the forward runs of Daniel Agger to worry about.

So, so much for the so-called one-dimensional tactics line often trotted out by the anti-Benitez brigade.

Rafa might have been hampered in the transfer market but he's clearly been putting in the hours with the chalkboard.

Two minutes after half time on Saturday it was pretty much game over - just how Benitez would have wanted it.

With two tough trips next up - to Fiorentina and Chelsea - steamrollering Hull early on meant the key men could be wrapped up for the games ahead - so Gerrard, Benayoun and Torres were all given the hook.

Ryan Babel's recent good form continued when he came on for Torres and - no matter how he scored the second one - a couple of goals will do his confidence the world of good.

So that was that - six goals, the sixth win in a row and the best scoring start to a season for over 100 years by a Liverpool side.

Not bad for a club in crisis...

Now to ram Michael Ballack's words back down his throat. Wigan's deserved win against Chelsea has left us just three points behind the club that believe football started in 2003.

And Ballack, who before his side's visit to the DW Stadium mused that the title could be a two-horse race this season, may be looking up the league table at Liverpool seven days from now.

It's not often I'd consider quoting Tony Pulis. But the Stoke boss summed up it nicely after his side were swept aside 4-0 by the Reds last month:

 "They will be right up there fighting for it. Anyone who says anything else is crazy."

LIVERPOOL FC: DIFFERENT RESULT, SAME OLD PROBLEMS?

IT'S not often Liverpool and Everton fans are thinking the same thing – but that was the case at the weekend.

After deflating starts to the season, both sets of supporters will have looked at their fixtures – home to Wigan for them and away to Bolton for us – and thought "we've just got to win".

Sometimes results are more important than performances - this was one of those times.

Thankfully, Liverpool got the result.

And the added bonuses - another good performance from Glen Johnson, a decent return to the side for Albert Riera and quality finishes from Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres - were just the icing on the cake.

Now we can all take in some air during the international break and hope our boys come through their games unscathed.

After Bolton, like any game, the whys and wherefores were discussed and discussed until sane fans beg for mercy or lock themselves in a dark room - whichever comes first.

And the same old criticisms of Liverpool were wheeled out like an overweight former referee on Sky Sports.

Hackneyed 'observations' are about as entertaining as an ex-official with a crap tan enjoying his five minutes of fame – and when it comes to Liverpool there's plenty: zonal marking, over-reliance on Steven Gerrard, two-man team, missing Xabi Alonso....Zzzzzzz

Why this is trotted out over and over, I don't know. Who benefits from it? Who nods knowingly and silently thanks the reporter for this 'wisdom'?

Not me, anyway.

One group of people notable by their absence right now are the people who questioned Rafa Benitez's signing of Johnson - stand up Tony Cascarino, Paul Merson and the rest.

In case you missed it, Merson said: "The Premier League is not blessed with 15 world-class left wingers so I don't see how a right-back can affect a game that much...I just don't think you should be spending that amount of money on somebody who plays at right back."

And Cascarino added: "For me, they paid a hell of a lot of money for a right back who was unconvincing the last time he played for a big club."

Well it's a bit early in the season for humble pie but I'm sure there's a hefty slice sat in their respective fridges now, a bit of cream on it, cling film over the top and a shiny spoon next to it, ready to eat.

If Merson hasn't seen a right back affect a game he should watch Johnson. Speed, skill and a hell of a shot have already brought the England man two goals and two assists.

So pretty convincing at a big club so far, eh Tony?

And just to ram home the point there's further excellent statistical analysis of Johnson's contribution on Paul Tomkins' blog (don't pack it in mate!).

So not too many people complaining about the £17m fee now for the former Portsmouth defender. Meanwhile, 30-odd miles away, what about Antonio Valencia?

Pricier at £18m, signed as an attacking player and what's he delivered?

One assist.

I know who I would rather have in the side yet are people questioning Alex Ferguson signing the former Wigan man? Not that I've seen.

Finally, a further observation from the Bolton game regarding Gary Megson.

The Wanderers boss decided the reason they lost was "Liverpool chucking themselves all over the pitch".

Granted Lucas kicked up a fuss when Sean Davis (normally such a sportsman) clipped him so yes, maybe his red card was harsh.

But people in glasshouses and all that...Match of the Day highlighted Bolton's Jlloyd Samuel playing the ball out for a throw before waiting for Dirk Kuyt's challenge to arrive, falling to the floor and claiming a free kick - so not far shy from what Megson claimed Lucas did really.

Of course, Megson will haul Samuel into his office this week and give him a warning for this cardinal sin, won't he?

Maybe not, he's probably too busy dreaming up some new excuses for Bolton's next defeat.

ALONSO: IT'S BIG MONEY OR NO DEAL

PUT UP OR SHUT UP: Liverpool should make Real pay - or tell Xabi to stay

WHY do Liverpool always seem to get shafted when it comes to selling players?

OK, sometimes they are crap - El Hadji Diouf (in £11million, out £3m) and sometimes they haven't worked out - Robbie Keane (in £19m, out £15m), Stan Collymore (in £8.5m, out £7m).

But sometimes it seems to me that clubs see Liverpool as a soft touch.

This worrying trend seems to have gone for a while now and as the games continue over the future of Xabi Alonso it's rearing its ugly head yet again.

Real Madrid want our player of the season on the cheap. Just like when they signed Michael Owen for a paltry £8million - or Steve McManaman on a free.

Well if they can afford £80m for Cristiano Ronaldo and £56m for Kaka, they can afford the asking price of £35m for Alonso.

If they don't pay, make him stay.

Alonso might have told Rafael Benitez that he wants to leave but he is contracted to the club - he's a Liverpool player with three years to run on his deal at Anfield.

And if his "dream club" won't cough up - tough.

Ideally, Rafa should make Alonso stay no matter what - Javier Mascherano, too.

Because I truly believe for the back end of last season we were the best team in the league.

And why jeopardize that when our rivals look weaker than last time out?

Manchester United have lost Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez, replacing these undoubted talents with 29-year-old Owen, Wigan winger Antonio Valencia and little-known Frenchman Gabriel Obertan.

And now that Alex Ferguson has said his summer spending is over, even the United fans are worried.

Chelsea have got another new manager, could potentially lose their captain John Terry to the lure of untold wealth in east Manchester, and, like the rest of the Premier League big boys, are struggling to convince Europe's biggest stars to come to these shores.

And Arsenal? And what? A title-challenge looks highly unlikely to emerge from the Emirates - if anything their miserly dealings in the transfer market put them most at risk to losing their top-four status to the emergence of Manchester City.

So what of City? With Tevez on board, and Emmanuel Adebayor, Joleon Lescott and possibly Terry to follow, they will be no mugs.

But while money can buy players, it can't buy a team. And that's what Liverpool had at the end of last season.

Rival fans scoff at players like Dirk Kuyt, Alvaro Arbeloa and Yossi Benayoun.

But that team was sweeping aside opponents with ease in the golden patch of the final three months of the season.

With Mascherano and Alonso still on board - plus the addition of Glen Johnson and possibly others - there's no reason why the Reds can't pick up where they left off.

But without the first-choice midfield pairing? Who knows? Because with any purchase of a new player there comes doubt.

Will he fit into the team? Will he settle in Liverpool? Most importantly - will he be as good?

For some forum writers it's simple. "Sell Xabi, buy David Villa and move Steven Gerrard back into midfield," wrote one today.

Ignoring the fact Villa doesn't seem interested in a move to England, why would you want to break up the Fernando Torres-Gerrard partnership?

That is THE best front pairing in the league - as United and many others have found out.

But for it to thrive, it needs the passing of Alonso (second only to Jan Molby in my book) and for Xabi to pass, he needs the destructive force of Mascherano.

In other words, we had found the perfect balance - through the middle anyway - and if it is broken up it will be our rivals who are celebrating.

Keep it together and while other teams (hopefully) make a slow start, we can get off to a flyer, put down a marker and make other teams do the chasing for once.

The other argument doing the rounds is 'if they don't want to play for us, let them go'.

In an ideal world maybe - but with funds at a premium, and a transfer market more inflated than Stay Puft on helium, replacements look far from obvious.

Hang on to Alonso and Mascherano for a year - sufficient time to find replacements - and with the World Cup to come it's unlikely you will see a dip in form from either man, no matter how unhappy they are.

It's also Rafa's chance to show what he's made of in the transfer market now he has total control of the ins and outs.

Maybe then we can ditch the tag of being a soft touch, and if a player is to leave Anfield it's for the right money - or more.

CHECK OUT THIS LITTLE RIB TICKLER!

JUST when you thought it was safe to open your laptop...

It seemed the most-unlikely-summer-transfer-story award had already been wrapped up by The Express when they printed the back-page gem that Fernando Torres was joining Manchester United.

But now we have it: Franck Ribery is on his way to Anfield.

A glance at the image above will give you a tip (ahem) to the source of this nonsense...bookies, SkyBet, to be precise.

The very same SkyBet that, according to its spokesman, took a big hit on Michael Owen joining Manchester United, with betting on that particular scenario starting out at 20-1.

Far be it from me to cast aspersions on the good ole' honest profession of bookmaking, but perhaps this story could help them win some money back?

I mean, Liverpool fans would of course love to see Ribery sign, particularly after the scar-faced wing man was so publicly courted by United.

And what better icing on the cake than winning a few quid at the same time?

Me, I'll keep my money in my wallet and my shotgun handy.

And when Ribery signs, I'll throw open the front door and shoot some of the flying pigs out of the sky. After all, you can't beat a bacon butty.

Seriously though, any Red must see through this one - particurlarly after a similar furore over betting being supsended on Rafa Benitez getting sacked earlier this year.

And yet there was Rafa giving a press conference yesterday - five months later. And, ironically, he was talking about how the transfer market is "crazy".

Everything about this Ribery link is also crazy.

Bayern Munich say they want £69million for Ribery - money we clearly haven't got.

So either Rafa's given the nod for Xabi Alonso to head for Real Madrid AND for Javier Mascherano to pack his bags for Barcelona - or it's a huge pack of lies.

I know what my money's on.

SCAR TREKKING: But Ribery's destination is still unknown.

RAFA COULD REGRET ROBBIE RETURN

SO he's gone - five 90-minute appearances, six months, seven goals and eight million quid down the swanny.

What an absolute joke.

If anything has been handled as badly as the Robbie Keane saga in the history of Liverpool Football Club, I'd like to know what it is.

I feel sorry for Keane. On the whole, his performances frustrated me when he pulled on the Red shirt. But no-one can argue that he was given a fair crack of the whip.

And while his goals tally was highlighted over and over, he was actually bought to sit in behind the main striker - Fernando Torres.

Torres, of course, has been crocked three times with a hamstring injury. Leaving Keane, when he was given a sniff, playing out of position, leading the line, and, crucially, not playing with Torres.

Rewind to the Goodison derby, when Torres destroyed our beloved neighbours with a devastating performance.

That was due, in no small part, to Keane, who linked superby with the Spaniard, creating space, setting up a goal, and looking somewhere near worth the £20million shelled out back in August.

But with Torres out, Keane looked lost, his confidence dipped and he clearly got frustrated by getting the hook every time he started a game.

With Xabi Alonso playing so well, Rafa reverted to his favoured Gerrard behind Torres formation and that was that - no place for Keane.

Then there's the boardroom battles. The accusation that Keane became the political pawn with the story going that Rick Parry paid over the odds for him, scuppering the Gareth
Barry deal and annoying Benitez in the process.

And so his sale is one up for Rafa in that long, boring power battle that can only end with one of them leaving.

As I have said before, all that to me is by the by - I'm interested in the footie.

And footie-wise, we've been left with our kecks round our ankles. How can you possibly push for a title with one decent striker?

Amazingly, that's the situation we find ourselves in.

Torres is, undoubtedly, a world-class striker. And on Sunday he showed he is again approaching his best.

But he's been dogged by injury. Touch wood it's the end of his problems for this season. But imagine the worst-case scenario - he gets injured.

So what are the options?

David Ngog? At best he can be described as raw. Dirk Kuyt? Well, his purple patch seems to be over in front of goal and he does OK in his current right midfield role.

Then there's Ryan Babel - not the kind of man you want to be putting faith in. He's let us down too many times already.

The point is - we've left ourselves short. Whatever you thought of Keane, he would offer something more to the squad than what we are left with.

Once the deal went through, I sat watching the countdown to the deadline.

I knew nothing was going to happen - there are no surprises when it comes to football transfers anymore.

But I couldn't help hoping for a David Speedie style signing. Or a Ronny Rosenthal. But no - nothing.

And when I cast my eye over the deals done in the transfer window one thing stood out - we are the only team in the top six whose squad is actually WEAKER than it was when the window opened on January 1.

We've let Pennant go, and now Keane.

Manchester United - who have infinitely more talent available to them anyway - signed Zoran Tosic and Adem Ljajic.

Chelsea signed Ricardo Quaresma, Villa signed Emile Heskey, Arsenal have probably signed Andrei Arshavin and Everton got Jo.

The best chance to win the league in many years and you reduce your options with three months to go. Madness.

Oh, and guess who our last league game of the season is against? Yep...Tottenham. You know what I'm thinking. You can get 5-2 if you fancy it.

NOT SO HOT-SHOTS...FIVE THAT FLOPPED

Robbie Keane isn't the first front man to arrive at Anfield with a big reputation and leave with his tail between his legs. How about these less-than-prolific front men?

ERIC MEIJER: The 6ft 3ins Dutchman joined in 1999 from Bayer Leverkusen. Mad Eric made 27 appearances and managed just two goals which came in a 5-1 win over Hull in the Carling Cup. He did, however, go on the lash with the Liverpool fans before the 2001 Uefa Cup final in Dortmund - still got a picture of me with him somewhere!

NIGEL CLOUGH: Fondly remembered for two goals in the 3-3 draw with the Mancs but the 1993 signing from Nottingham Forest never managed to hit the heights on a regular basis. Burdened by the famous number seven shirt and dubbed "the new Kenny Dalglish", expectations were far too high. Seven goals in 39 games.

EL HADJI DIOUF: Ten million quid, crap hair, first No.9 in Liverpool history to go a season without scoring. And he was a tit.

SEAN DUNDEE: A striker, that's not a striker...THAT'S a striker. 'Mick' was useless - slow with no skill, he is in with a good shout of being the worst player ever to turn out for the Reds. He played three games as a sub. Three games too many. On signing (for £2million) he actually said the following words: "I’ve always been the quickest player at every club I’ve been at, but I hear Michael Owen is pretty quick so we’ll see…” Ha ha ha...

DJIBRIL CISSE: Fourteen million quid, crap hair and he was tit - ring any bells? To be fair, he wasn't in the Diouf class. But he must have missed school the day they taught offside because he played like he'd never heard of it. The linesman used to leave the pitch with an arm like Popeye when he was playing. Jamie Carragher was once asked if his son was any good at footie by a colleague of mine. I think Carra's kid was about four at the time and he answered: "Well he's better than Cisse!"

The Stadium of Light at the end of the tunnel...

LATELY, I’d doubted myself. For the first time in my life, I actually thought I might be falling out of love with football. Seriously.
The Yanks and their failed promises, the Gareth Barry epic, crap pre-season games, inflated prices, glory supporters, bitter fans – all of that was boring me.
Add to that the birth of my son, Carragh, the prospect of the first campaign without a season ticket in 10 years and continuing doubts over my employment situation, and I was almost not arsed about the new season.
Almost.
Then a couple of things happened to change all that. First, I read a couple of books – Brian Reade’s excellent 43 Years With The Same Bird and Here We Go Gathering Cups in May – Liverpool in Europe: The Fans’ Story.
Second, tickets for Sunderland came up.
The books were great medicine for my negative thinking. Instead of picturing suits like Rick Parry when I thought about the match, I started thinking positive. I thought about the laughs, the goals, the ales, the away trips and that buzz I used to get before games.
Back to the days when goals, saves, tackles, skill and songs were all that mattered.
So when Saturday came, I was buzzing again. Even my mate Jon said he hadn’t seen me like that for ages.
Not even a scan through the papers that morning could dampen my enthusiasm, although The Mirror tried their best with their ‘exclusive’ about Rafa Benitez almost quitting.
But the Yanks, Gareth Barry and the increasing likelihood that Rafa will leave were far from my mind.
A few pre-match bevvies and good banter with some Sunderland fans put me right in the mood as we headed for the Stadium of Light.
But once there I got the feeling I’m not the only Red who’s going through this kind of crisis. The Liverpool support was definitely muted - not helped of course by an average display.
So thank God for Fernando Torres. Players and fans alike breathed a collective sigh of relief for what was a great finish – and one that was vastly underrated judging by the lack of praise it received.
The goal wasn’t even a chance. But with no back lift and superb power and accuracy, the Spaniard had won it for us – again.
Cue jumping, hugging, bouncing, screaming and shouting. And that was just me.
Cue also a classic cliché: It’s a good sign if you win when you don’t play well.
And so the win was duly celebrated – my Monday morning sandpaper mouth and still fuzzy head is testimony to that.
So, it seems, I’m back in love with football. If only Parry, Hicks and Gillett could sort it out to make sure it stays that way…

Shear we go again!

AN avid follower of this blog - ok, ok, my girlfriend - says I should stop using my new-found medium to rant.

Well, much as I'd like to flex my journalistic muscles and show you the true range of my writing skills, I have to admit, I just can't stop.

Why?
Because I can't bear ex-players whose expert (make that supposedly expert) opinion is simply not true. It was Alan Shearer who joined the Chris Kamara club on Sunday.

Flanked by Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson, who should surely have put him right, the creosote-loving Geordie told the nation on Match of the Day that, despite investing in Fernando Torres, Liverpool were no closer to winning the league.
Well that - like saying Shearer's hair isn't receding - is just a lie.
Season 2006-2007 saw Liverpool lose 10 games in the league, leaving them third, 21 points adrift of winners Manchester United.

Yesterday the Reds finished fourth, having lost just four league games all season, 11 points behind United.

That, in anybody's book, is progress.

Throw in Torres' 24 league goals, another Golden Gloves award for Pepe Reina for the most clean sheets, the best reserve team in the land, the signing of a world-class holding midfielder in Javier Mascherano and a pretty decent centre half in Martin Skrtel, and you would be forgiven for feeling downright positive.

That is, of course, just as long as you can avoid Shearer and Kamara...

Kam shafted

IN many professions poor preparation would get you the sack. Or, at the very least, a severe word in your shell-like.
But not, it seems, if it’s your job to comment on football.
The myths perpetuated by the media regarding Liverpool FC are many. One of the favourites is the Fernando Torres myth.
The notion that Rafa Benitez cost Liverpool a tilt at the title this year because he rested - or ‘rotated’ as this is so lazily referred to these days - the Spaniard too many times in the league.
This particular rather smelly old chestnut was pulled out the bag again on bank holiday Monday by Chris Kamara.
Speaking on Sky, with a pained expression rising above his ridiculous moustache, he mused that we can only wonder what would have happened if Torres had played more in the league.
And so, yet again, Benitez is painted as the villain of the piece. The mad ‘rotator’ who doesn’t want to win the Premier League and only cares about Europe.
So, back to the preparation. Now, if ‘Kammy’ hadn’t been as busy trimming the tash and putting a bucket of gel on his head, maybe he could have done a little research.
And if he had, he would have discovered the following – out of the 37 Premier League games Liverpool have played this season, Torres has played in 32 of them with 28 starts and four sub appearances.
Of Liverpool’s outfield players, only Jamie Carragher (34 appearances, 33 starts) and Steven Gerrard (32 appearances, 31 starts) can top that.
And Torres has played far more than his fellow strikers with Dirk Kuyt starting 23 games, Andriy Voronin 12 and Peter Crouch just nine (ouch!).
No manager plays their best player in every minute of every game - Alex Ferguson has rested Cristiano Ronaldo, Arsene Wenger has rested Cesc Fabregas and Avram Grant has rested Didier Drogba.
So why pick on Benitez? Over to you Mr Kamara. And a little tip - maybe you should prepare before you answer this one.

They think it's all over...is it b*llocks!

They skidded on the turf, embraced, punched the air and turned to face their jubilant fans.

The Chelsea players had won...er...well, nothing actually. Not the match. Not the tie. Definitely not the Champions League.

And yet there they were. All smiles. Frank Lampard clenching his fist at the deflated Kop. And the section of Anfield Road housing the Chelsea fans going wild.

It was like they had won the European Cup. But then, they don't know what that feels like do they?

OK, so they had snatched an equaliser in the 95th minute through a bizarre own goal from the hapless John Arne Riise - Liverpool's weak link and a player who has looked out of his depth at Anfield for at least a couple of seasons.
OK, so they are now favourites because if they can keep Rafa Benitez's side out for 90 minutes at Stamford Bridge next week they are through.

But, in a similar fashion to Arsenal in the quarter finals, didn't they make just a little too much of their celebrations? And we know what happened to Arsenal.

Chelsea deserved their luck, according to Lampard - a view echoed by Baron Greenback (aka Avram Grant). The sickly smile said it all. He thinks they've done it. He's already planning how to spend his roubles and taking vodka orders from his mates. In his mind they're in Moscow.

And it's not just Chelski and their fans who have decided it's all over. The texts came in from gloating Evertonians within seconds of Riise's gaffe. The Facebook updates rubbed it in further.

But me? I'm with Steven Gerrard. Asked if he was worried that Liverpool have never won at Chelsea under Benitez, he replied: "We haven't played there with Fernando Torres, have we?" My point exactly. There's 90 minutes to go. It's half time. We were the better team tonight and we can be the better team at Stamford Bridge.

Big games need big performances from big players. Tonight, we played well. But Gerrard, and Torres, can do better. Much better.

Let the Bluenoses snipe. And let Lampard and Grant count their roubles. Liverpool have already won in the San Siro against Serie A leaders Inter Milan in the Champions League. And - as if you need reminding - they've been in much stickier spots than this - and got out of it. Think Olympiakos. Think Istanbul.

If anyone can win at Stamford Bridge and leave the doubters choking on their text message, it's Liverpool.

The Yanks

So, here we are, on the eve of Liverpool FC's third Champions League semi-final in four years. And what are we talking about? The devastating form of Fernando Torres? The fact Steven Gerrard is showing his most consistent form in some time? Or maybe, Rafa Benitez's tactical masterstroke in switching formations - a move that has paid off handsomely at just the right time?
No, none of the above. It's still the Yanks. George Gillett and Tom Hicks. The owners. Boardroom people. People in suits. Rick Parry. People, quite frankly, that I don't give a flying about.
Now don't get me wrong, I want them out of the club as much as the next Red. They have let the club down, they have lied and they have conducted themselves in a manner that is just not "The Liverpool Way".
But, for now, I actually want them to STAY. I want them to stay until the end of the season.
And the reason? I think they're helping us towards a sixth European Cup.
Not in the way I would of wanted, I might add. Not because they've stumped up the cash for a string of super signings. Not because they've created a buzz around the club by ensuring work started on the new stadium. Because they haven't.
No, they are helping because lazy football journalists - and news journalists for that matter - are content to write pages and pages of reports about this pair of muppets.
And I think that's helped to take the pressure off the people that really matter, the team. Liverpool are almost expected to fail because of what is happening off the pitch. And if they do, which obviously I am praying they don't, the 'experts' will shrug their shoulders and say 'I told you so.' In the meantime, we've brushed aside the so-called fight for fourth, sealed another showdown with Chelsea in the semis and witnessed the best striker in Europe notch goal after goal.
We're playing well. And consistently well. And it's almost like no-one has noticed.
So if Hicks wants to keep on making a mug of himself (see what I did there?) and Gillett and Parry want to stick their chests out for the cameras, let them. If it means a sixth European Cup sitting in the Anfield trophy cabinet it will almost be worth it!