BIG EARS BECKONING - BUT BENITEZ IS BAFFLING

AND so we all turn around and look at Big Ears - give him a nod and a wink and think: 'Why not?'

Because our big silver mate (well, his brother - he's at Anfield for keeps remember?) looks like the only chance of this season being anything more than "progress".

There is, of course, the small matter of Real Madrid to overcome if we want to crack on with a charge towards a sixth European Cup.

Bring it on.

Yes, they are much-improved - flying in fact, under the Spurs flop Juande Ramos. So much so, that on recent form they are playing better than Barcelona.

But, as any Red knows, this means nothing. We've beaten Barca in their own backyard, why not Real?

Say what you want about Rafa Benitez, but he knows his onions in Europe.

And if he is going to leave Liverpool, masterminding a win over his old club is sure to impress the big boys at the Bernabau (he's 6-1 to be the next boss at Real, by the way).

But while I'm optimistic about us beating the boys in white, things are far from all white at Liverpool - still.

The mud-slinging continues and it's hard to stay upbeat. A trawl through my own blog is depressing in itself.

It seems like yesterday that was I blogging about the uncertainty at the club in some bizarre way taking the pressure of the players as we edged towards number six.

Of course that was last season. And here we are again.

Meanwhile, the Benitez contract saga rumbles on. Before that it was the Gareth Barry saga, the Rick Parry saga, the Steven Gerrard saga, etc etc

Frankly, I'm sick of sagas. And while we all like to look up the road and moan about Alex Ferguson, this season he's stayed pretty quiet.

Why? Well, he doesn't need to bother throwing in a grenade, we're making a decent job of blowing ourselves up.

And Benitez can't be absolved of blame.

Understandably, he is frustrated - by the Yanks, by Rick Parry, by the general running of the club. We all are.

But that was no excuse for jumping up on the rooftops and telling the world he's not signing a contract until things change - my way, or the highway, basically.

Now, that decision is coming back to bite him. He wanted it public, so it's public. Now he's under the spotlight and everyone wants to know why nothing is happening.

Four drafts of the contract are said to have been drawn up and turned down. Bigger wages, control of the Academy, and the final say on transfers - all on the table.

So what's the crack? Well now, Benitez doesn't want to talk about it. He wants to concentrate on football. Sorry, you can't have both ways.

I'm not one of these tunnel-visioned fans who thinks the manager (and poor players for that matter) deserve unequivocal support just because they are associated with Liverpool.

And if that means I've missed out on super-fan status, so be it.

Benitez, for me, is bordering on taking the piss. Something he has been quick to accuse the rest of the Anfield hierarchy of doing.

On the pitch, I think he's done a great job.

He won the Champions League with a appalling group of players, he's overhauled and improved that squad, made us more consistent, bought some great players, improved others and edged us closer to the title.

And don't forget he's been up against a manager in Ferguson who's had a huge head start in terms of time, squad and money.

But that doesn't explain the baffling decisions or sticking with players who are not good enough.

Statistics say he's got it right most of the time in terms of results. Agreed.

But there's always that feeling that we could have had even more if he'd been a bit more balls out at times - maybe, maybe not.

But in terms of balls, he needs to show them off the pitch now, too.

Forget the point-scoring, the question avoidance, and the interviews with foreign papers that come back to these shores anyway.

The time for Rafa to come clean is now.

HE'S CRACKING UP, HE'S CRACKING UP, HE'S CRACKING, MOYES IS CRACKING UP

I'VE bit my tongue for weeks about our good friends from across the park but now David Moyes has gone too far.

While 'Rafa Benitez watching' has become a national sport and every comment, team selection and substitution comes under the severest of scrutiny, it seems other managers can do what they like.

Rafa, according to Bluenoses and our best mates from down the M62, is "cracking up" apparently.

Yep, putting your team in contention for the title and questioning a whinger who makes up his own rules is a sure sign of madness...apparently.

But lashing your padded coat into the crowd and refusing to answer perfectly reasonable questions from the media while pulling a bizarre face in the process? That's obviously a textbook example of sanity.

That's exactly what David Moyes has been up to in the last few weeks so where's the media backlash? Why isn't every person remotely connected to the club wheeled out to give his two penneth about this odd behaviour?

And, if any more evidence was needed that Moyes is losing his marbles, what about his latest genius comments? Now wait for it - according to the Ginger One, Tony Hibbert and Leon Osman - well, they are like Jamie Carragher and Steven Gerrard!

He said: "They are our equivalent of Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher, if you want to put it that way. They are local boys and know what is required."

Call me biased, bitter or whatever else you fancy, but I'm sorry, they are nothing like! Not in ability, not in influence, not in terms of honours or monetary value.

Even if you to disregard the ridiculous comparison to Liverpool players, Hibbert and Osman are not even Everton's best players. Arteta, Jagielka, Lescott, Cahill - all are infinitely better.

So who's cracking up now?

And while we are on the subject of other team's managers, why is no-one saying anything about Arsene Wenger?

Arsenal were tipped as title contenders at the start of the season. Now they sit fifth, 12 points behind leaders Manchester United, who also have a game in hand on the Gunners.

So where's the sniping at Wenger, who, by the way, last won a trophy in 2005 (the FA Cup)?

Wenger who has blew £16million on Andrei Arshavin - a 27-year-old.

And Wenger who, without Cesc Fabregas, has seen his side struggle - over-reliance on one player anyone?

Benitez baiters it's over to you - answers on a postcard.

RAMBLE ON

I'M sick of the Liverpool drama right now. There's plenty I could say about the last-gasp win at Portsmouth, but I'll leave it - mainly because I'd be going over the same old points yet again.

Reds-wise, I will say this - and it's about my dream weekend. A weekend when Rafa:

a) Tells the media the team news and nothing more at the Friday press conference
b) Picks the strongest team on Saturday

Then hopefully...

c) We'll win convincingly and the only thing left to talk about will be the footie!

Oh and...

d) Andrei Voronin. He didn't pull up trees at Anfield, in fact, he was piss poor many times. But he is still a Liverpool player. And I can't help thinking he'd offer more than David Ngog. Voronin scored on Friday for Hertha Berlin. Check his goal out here

So to other things that bug me.

Top of the list:

PHONE-INS

Seriously, who are these people? I've heard some amazing views on football in my time - not least that Liverpool should sign Matt Le Tissier and Dennis Wise (seriously).

But they are ALWAYS topped by the people allowed to air their views on national radio and TV. My first question is, why? Why would you want to ring a phone-in? What is the point?

See me, I go the pub and get it out my system there. Or phone someone up. Or write my blog. But phone a radio or TV station? Never.

You may ask 'Well, why do you listen to them (or watch them)?'. Well, it's like a car crash. You don't want to look, but you know it's happened, so you have to.

Make your own mind up - this was a genuine call on tonight's You're On Sky Sports - a phone-in show on Sky presented by Gary Newbon pictured (absolute spit of Harold Bishop).


The 'expert' was former Liverpool and Everton player Don Hutchinson. Now if they'd been looking for an expert in covering your meat and two veg with a beer bottle, I could understand him being there. But an expert on footie? Nah. Anyway, the call went as follows:

CALLER: I don't know what all the fuss about Rafa Benitez is, people need to get off his back, you know, we're in our best position for years, people need to lay off.

DON HUTCHINSON: But surely if Rafa had been more positive with his team selections, Liverpool could be five or six points clear right now?

CALLER: Absolutely, if Rafa had been more positive with his team selections, we could be more than six or seven points clear.

DON: So what's your point mate?

CALLER: Well people need to get off his back, they don't know what goes on at the club.

No need for a punchline...

Next...

MANAGERS THAT DON'T LOOK LIKE THEY PLAYED FOOTIE

This came about today while working on a story about Fabio Capello.

It turns out the England manager, who tonight gave David Beckham the chance to win his 108th cap, also effectively ended Bobby Moore's international career.

That's because Capello scored the winner for Italy at Wembley in Moore's 108th game for England - a game when, according to reports, the West Ham legend looked a long way past his best and was, in fact, skinned in the lead up to Capello's strike - the only goal of the game.

The picture we had looked surreal - like someone had been at work with Photoshop. Somehow it didn't seem right, Capello is a boss, not a player!

This is not the picture I had, but I think it illustrates the point - he doesn't look comfortable does he?

He looks much more at home clocking totty (fit girls, not the midfield playmaker) in the director's box when he's supposed to be watching a match!

So this got me thinking. The explanation is obviously a generation thing - I'm too young to remember Capello the player. For instance, thinking of Paul Ince as a player isn't weird - I watched him at Anfield enough times.

Equally, I can remember Gianfranco Zola, Steve Bruce, Mark Hughes, Gareth Southgate and Gary Megson playing.

Others - just can't picture it. It's an interesting phenomena, and we've had a couple ourselves, of course.

Could you imagine crashing into a 50-50 tackle with Gerrard Houllier? Or contesting a cross with Rafa Benitez?

Outside of Anfield, would you of fancied your chances marking Arsene Wenger, Tony Pulis or Tony Mowbray (pictured)? All played - and all were defenders.

So too was David Moyes - described as a 'journeyman centre half'. Alex Ferguson was, by all accounts, a quite decent striker and Martin O'Neill was a European Cup-winning midfielder.

Fulham boss Roy Hodgson was crap though. He was at Crystal Palace where he never broke into the first team before playing for non-league sides Tonbridge, Gravesend & Northfleet and Maidstone.

So what are they all like now? Be a laugh to see. How about a North v South game of Premier League six-a-side to settle it?

Line ups could be:

NORTH: Bruce, Hughes, Southgate, Allardyce, Pulis, Sbragia.
SOUTH: Wenger, Zola, Redknapp, O,Neill, Mowbray, Hodgson.

I'd pay to watch that - probably be more entertaining than some of the predicatable drivel served up by the first teams these days!

The big question is - if there was a foul, would Wenger see it?!

RAFA COULD REGRET ROBBIE RETURN

SO he's gone - five 90-minute appearances, six months, seven goals and eight million quid down the swanny.

What an absolute joke.

If anything has been handled as badly as the Robbie Keane saga in the history of Liverpool Football Club, I'd like to know what it is.

I feel sorry for Keane. On the whole, his performances frustrated me when he pulled on the Red shirt. But no-one can argue that he was given a fair crack of the whip.

And while his goals tally was highlighted over and over, he was actually bought to sit in behind the main striker - Fernando Torres.

Torres, of course, has been crocked three times with a hamstring injury. Leaving Keane, when he was given a sniff, playing out of position, leading the line, and, crucially, not playing with Torres.

Rewind to the Goodison derby, when Torres destroyed our beloved neighbours with a devastating performance.

That was due, in no small part, to Keane, who linked superby with the Spaniard, creating space, setting up a goal, and looking somewhere near worth the £20million shelled out back in August.

But with Torres out, Keane looked lost, his confidence dipped and he clearly got frustrated by getting the hook every time he started a game.

With Xabi Alonso playing so well, Rafa reverted to his favoured Gerrard behind Torres formation and that was that - no place for Keane.

Then there's the boardroom battles. The accusation that Keane became the political pawn with the story going that Rick Parry paid over the odds for him, scuppering the Gareth
Barry deal and annoying Benitez in the process.

And so his sale is one up for Rafa in that long, boring power battle that can only end with one of them leaving.

As I have said before, all that to me is by the by - I'm interested in the footie.

And footie-wise, we've been left with our kecks round our ankles. How can you possibly push for a title with one decent striker?

Amazingly, that's the situation we find ourselves in.

Torres is, undoubtedly, a world-class striker. And on Sunday he showed he is again approaching his best.

But he's been dogged by injury. Touch wood it's the end of his problems for this season. But imagine the worst-case scenario - he gets injured.

So what are the options?

David Ngog? At best he can be described as raw. Dirk Kuyt? Well, his purple patch seems to be over in front of goal and he does OK in his current right midfield role.

Then there's Ryan Babel - not the kind of man you want to be putting faith in. He's let us down too many times already.

The point is - we've left ourselves short. Whatever you thought of Keane, he would offer something more to the squad than what we are left with.

Once the deal went through, I sat watching the countdown to the deadline.

I knew nothing was going to happen - there are no surprises when it comes to football transfers anymore.

But I couldn't help hoping for a David Speedie style signing. Or a Ronny Rosenthal. But no - nothing.

And when I cast my eye over the deals done in the transfer window one thing stood out - we are the only team in the top six whose squad is actually WEAKER than it was when the window opened on January 1.

We've let Pennant go, and now Keane.

Manchester United - who have infinitely more talent available to them anyway - signed Zoran Tosic and Adem Ljajic.

Chelsea signed Ricardo Quaresma, Villa signed Emile Heskey, Arsenal have probably signed Andrei Arshavin and Everton got Jo.

The best chance to win the league in many years and you reduce your options with three months to go. Madness.

Oh, and guess who our last league game of the season is against? Yep...Tottenham. You know what I'm thinking. You can get 5-2 if you fancy it.

NOT SO HOT-SHOTS...FIVE THAT FLOPPED

Robbie Keane isn't the first front man to arrive at Anfield with a big reputation and leave with his tail between his legs. How about these less-than-prolific front men?

ERIC MEIJER: The 6ft 3ins Dutchman joined in 1999 from Bayer Leverkusen. Mad Eric made 27 appearances and managed just two goals which came in a 5-1 win over Hull in the Carling Cup. He did, however, go on the lash with the Liverpool fans before the 2001 Uefa Cup final in Dortmund - still got a picture of me with him somewhere!

NIGEL CLOUGH: Fondly remembered for two goals in the 3-3 draw with the Mancs but the 1993 signing from Nottingham Forest never managed to hit the heights on a regular basis. Burdened by the famous number seven shirt and dubbed "the new Kenny Dalglish", expectations were far too high. Seven goals in 39 games.

EL HADJI DIOUF: Ten million quid, crap hair, first No.9 in Liverpool history to go a season without scoring. And he was a tit.

SEAN DUNDEE: A striker, that's not a striker...THAT'S a striker. 'Mick' was useless - slow with no skill, he is in with a good shout of being the worst player ever to turn out for the Reds. He played three games as a sub. Three games too many. On signing (for £2million) he actually said the following words: "I’ve always been the quickest player at every club I’ve been at, but I hear Michael Owen is pretty quick so we’ll see…” Ha ha ha...

DJIBRIL CISSE: Fourteen million quid, crap hair and he was tit - ring any bells? To be fair, he wasn't in the Diouf class. But he must have missed school the day they taught offside because he played like he'd never heard of it. The linesman used to leave the pitch with an arm like Popeye when he was playing. Jamie Carragher was once asked if his son was any good at footie by a colleague of mine. I think Carra's kid was about four at the time and he answered: "Well he's better than Cisse!"

GOOD...BUT IT'S NOT RIGHT

IT'S easy to say so after the event - but I fully expected us to beat Chelsea.

We're unbeaten against top four sides this season and I didn't expect the Londoners to threaten that record.

And once the game kicked off there only ever looked like being one winner - Frank Lampard on the pitch or not.

In the crazy world of "right now" that we live in these days, that will mean Liverpool are title contenders again, Rafa Benitez is no longer "cracking up" and Fernando Torres (surprise, surprise) hasn't become a bad player over night.

But for me it changes very little. We're still outsiders for the title and as Roy Walker so famously said (well, near enough) things are 'good - but not right'.

Forget blaming the press, radio or TV, as so many fans like to do - Liverpool FC is a shambles right now.

And if newspapers choose to magnify (and exaggerate) that fact and radio phone-ins stir up a 'crisis', let them.

Because you know what? It means nothing to the men on the pitch.

I heard two very telling quotes in the last week or so that backed up what I had long thought - while fans work themselves up into a frenzy over-analysing and hunting out bias, the players and managers, on the whole, don't give a flying.

The first interview I heard was with Ian St John. He was asked if the now tediously labelled 'Rafa's Rant' had affected the players.

Safe to say that radio reporter didn't need a wash after that question as he was covered in Scottish gob spraying from the puffed out cheeks of a stunned legend.

The Saint's argument was simple. It's a game of footie. Why would something the manager said in a press conference make one iota of difference?

Could you imagine Jamie Carragher half pulling on his boots, then stopping, slumping into his seat, sighing and saying 'I can't believe what the gaffer said - I just can't face today's game.'

Me neither - and that was exactly St John's point.

The second telling quote was from Rafa. He was essentially asked 'So, ARE you cracking up?'

Again, what is the scene these people are imagining? The Spaniard slumped over his desk, sporting a five o'clock shadow, swigging a scotch and playing football manager searching for a bargain buy at three o'clock in the morning?

Benitez said: "There is no extra pressure on me. I can guarantee that I have not read a newspaper, listened to radio or watched TV since the Wigan game.

"I spent Thursday enjoying some time off with my family because I knew there would be a lot of people trying to talk about things they do not know about."

Quite right, don't blame him. I do the same on my days off - including sometimes snubbing the media - because it does become boring, especially when you work in it.

So back to the shambles (you thought I'd forgot, right?). It's a shambles off the pitch. And it's a shambles because for the people in the middle of it - Rafa, Rick Parry, George Gillett, Tom Hicks - it's all about money, power and saving face.

For the fan, for me, it's embarrassing, boring and detracting from what we are all here for - football.

Look at the latest catalogue of drama - Robbie Keane becoming a political pawn (Rafa wanted him but not for £20m, Parry wanted him more so paid it, Rafa got a cob on because he couldn't get Gareth Barry etc etc yawn, yawn).

Then there's the all too public contract negotiations for the manager and several key players.

And don't forget Hicks and Gillett at opposite ends of the director's box (some fart that Tom!).

That's what is all wrong right now and I'm fed up of it. Not one of these people can kick a ball or make a tackle yet they are never off the sports pages.

All are at fault - including Rafa - for conducting the whole thing so publicly. In fact that approach come back to bite the Yanks on the arse as the Kuwaitis said 'thanks, but no thanks' after their interest in the club was leaked to the Press.

My advice to all of them is if you're going to have a battle do it properly.

Don't snipe to the media. Don't play games with players. And don't refuse to sit with each other.

Nope, get on the field at home time and all have a big scrap and the winner can stay.

I'll hold your coats...

At least that would be worth watching...who's your money on?