POOR old Fergie, eh?
We all knew he was cracking on (or cracking up?) but things appear to have taken a turn for the worst for the 67-year-old purple-faced watch-checker.
Yep, old whisky nose has now officially lost his marbles.
Those marbles have been clinging on for dear life in a a sea of single malt for a few weeks to be fair.
Now they've given up. So much so, that Taggart can't even remember what he said last week.
I'll refresh your memories, just in case, like Alex, you've recently been necking scotch.
Friday, April 10, 2009: Ferguson claims to think it's "fantastic" that Rafa Benitez suggested he's "scared" of Liverpool.
Grinning at the media lap dogs who he agrees to speak to these days (i.e. the ones who stock his booze cabinet) he said:
"But the interesting thing as far as Rafa Benitez is concerned is that he's got a European tie [against Chelsea] and he's talking about Alex Ferguson. Fantastic. I didn't know I was that important."
When asked whether he felt he had successfully "got under Benitez's skin", Ferguson grinned before replying: "I have no more comment to make."Friday, April 17, 2009: Ferguson attends his press conference as he prepares for an FA Cup semi-final with Everton and decides to talk about Liverpool:
"Everton are a big club, not a small one which Benitez arrogantly said. But arrogance is one thing. You cannot forgive contempt, which is what he showed Sam Allardyce last weekend.
Hmm, so I wonder if Benitez thinks it's "fantastic" that he is now so important just before such a big game for Manchester United?
What this is boils down to is Fergie is seriously worried - by Liverpool, by Benitez and by blowing the league to his biggest rivals.
Even more so now that we are out of the Champions League.
Our superb performance at Stamford Bridge might not have landed a semi-final spot, but the courage, skill and spirit on display ensured our ever-gathering momentum continued - and that was not good news for Ferguson's twitching arsehole.
And as Fergie's side go into battle with an Everton side that is unlikely to go down without a fight, our boys are putting their feet up and thinking about how to gun down Arsenal on Tuesday.
That's Arsenal who are also playing this weekend in a not-too-easy-looking match against Chelsea.
So an opposition team looks to have an advantage over Man United - cue the infamous "mind games".
What a load of bollocks. If Ferguson is a master of mind games, Benitez is a Frenchman.
The best Fergie could dream up this week (over a drink of course) with his old mate Big (Fat Head) Sam Allardyce was this ludicrous suggestion of a lack of respect indicated by a hand gesture.
Maybe he was drinking the same stuff when he came up with the "I was shitting myself so I had to tear-arse down the hard shoulder excuse" for breaking the law on the motorway.
So what did Rafa do to the Blackburn boss? Flick the Vs? Give him the bird? What about an Ace Ventura-style "Can you feel that Sam? Can yer? Can yer?" groin thrust?
No such luck - just a bashful half smile and, while never looking towards the Blackburn bench, a crossing of the hands.
It could feasibly mean "that's it". But that's what? Why does it mean "game over", as the Premier League's Chuckle Brothers suggest?
And why has it taken a week for Allardyce to say anything about this? And why, even more suspiciously, did Ferguson mention the incident FIRST in the press conferences yesterday? Almost like it was scripted...
"I think if everybody has a look back at his gestures you will see them as pretty dismissive to me and the Blackburn Rovers team as a whole. I was hugely disappointed by those gestures. I think they were disrespectful and quite humiliating.
"Having looked at them again this week, I think I'm right and everybody will see why I'm complaining.
"The feeling was that he had written us off. It was open arms and then a crossover of the arms as if to suggest that was it. I admit it was a hard game, a difficult game for us, and we were well beaten by an outstanding Liverpool side.
"But in terms of respect, you don't expect those sort of things to happen in a game of football. I was very, very upset by it. The game is hard enough as it is without a fellow manager doing what seemed to be an undermining gesture.
"I then waited to have a word with him after the game in his room, but as usual and unfortunately, he didn't turn up."
Well Red translation: "We were absolutely tonked by a Liverpool side that ripped us to shreds. I couldn't think of any decent excuses at the the time so I didn't make any. Midweek I was talking to my bezzy mate Alex and he was looking for a reason to have a pop at Liverpool. When he watched the tape of our game with Liverpool for the 1,000th time he spotted Benitez's gesture and we took it from there."
Judge for yourself - even Stevie Wonder can see these two had their beer goggles on when they dreamt up this one...