One foot in, one foot out

SILLY season has started. Sports editors across the land are cramming in transfer tales ranging from the informed to the unfounded.

Here’s hoping the Stewart Downing to Liverpool is one of the latter.

OK, he’s got a decent left foot. So has John Arne Riise. So why let one go to buy the other?

Downing’s got a few more goals in him than the Norwegian but so have most players in the Premiership. So have most players full stop.

As any Liverpool fan is acutely aware, Riise’s limitations were cruelly exposed in the Champions League semi final.

He had so little faith in his right foot that he tried an impossible header. And we all know what happened next.

Being able to use both feet is almost a pre-requisite for a top-flight footballer these days – Kevin Sheedy wouldn’t get a sniff.

From what I’ve seen of Downing, he’s all one foot, his repertoire of skills is limited and he doesn’t strike me as the gut-busting type.

And apparently Middlesbrough want £12m. And that’s for someone who has struggled to establish themselves at international level.

I’ve heard of inflated prices – but one foot for £12m?!

Let’s hope this is one story that can be put down to summer speculation.

Neil down and cry

RAFAEL BENITEZ is hardly a heart on the sleeve kind of guy. Let's be honest, even the smile he managed when Liverpool lifted their fifth European Cup looked a bit forced.

But I wondered if the smallest smirk crept across his face as it was confirmed Neil Warnock will be staying where he belongs for another season - in the Championship.

This magnificent manager, if you believe him that is, was cruelly denied the chance of taking Crystal Palace to Wembley for the play-off final.

And no doubt that will be Rafa's fault. Or maybe Gerard Houllier's. Or Stephane Henchoz's. Or Phil Thompson's. Basically, anyone's fault - but not Neil Warnock's.

This is the man who STILL blames Benitez for relegating Sheffield United.

That reason again? Because Rafa rested players for a match at Fulham last season. And by influencing that ONE GAME, Sheffield United played crap for 38 games and went down. Not Neil Warnock's fault, though.

Even as a Championship manager (unfortunately not the computer game, amazingly this man has a real job) Warnock got involved again this season, raking the same ground and telling Gary Megson not to expect any favours from Liverpool.

Not only that, he decided to throw a potential libel into the mix, making an ill-advised 'joke' about Harrods hampers being sent to Benitez, with Fulham owned by Harrods boss Mohamed Al Fayed.

For good measure he also added: "I’m still very bitter about it and personally I hope Liverpool never win another trophy under Benitez. I like them as a club but I would be very pleased to see them win nothing.”

Thanks for that. Well, the feeling's mutual, Neil.

So how pleasing to see the dead-ringer for Mrs Doubtfire fail in the play-offs.

And guess what - that wasn't his fault. Oh no. That was nasty Bristol City's fault. How dare they win. How dare they celebrate.

After losing the first leg, Doubtfire moaned: "I think you could see from their celebrations that they were already at Wembley. I didn't think much of their celebrations to be honest.

"There was no need for them to go off like they did. They're 2-1 up but celebrations should be kept until you are through. Football has a habit of getting you back."

How true. Because, as it turned out, with most of Britain urging them on, Bristol knocked out Warnock's Palace.

And how did he take it? Graciously? First to congratulate the opposition? As if. "I applauded Michael McIndoe's free-kick but I thought we were the better side and I couldn't be any prouder of my lads," he said.

While working in Manchester once, a colleague told me that in Bury, Neil Warnock is known as "Billy Bullshit".

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Shear we go again!

AN avid follower of this blog - ok, ok, my girlfriend - says I should stop using my new-found medium to rant.

Well, much as I'd like to flex my journalistic muscles and show you the true range of my writing skills, I have to admit, I just can't stop.

Why?
Because I can't bear ex-players whose expert (make that supposedly expert) opinion is simply not true. It was Alan Shearer who joined the Chris Kamara club on Sunday.

Flanked by Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson, who should surely have put him right, the creosote-loving Geordie told the nation on Match of the Day that, despite investing in Fernando Torres, Liverpool were no closer to winning the league.
Well that - like saying Shearer's hair isn't receding - is just a lie.
Season 2006-2007 saw Liverpool lose 10 games in the league, leaving them third, 21 points adrift of winners Manchester United.

Yesterday the Reds finished fourth, having lost just four league games all season, 11 points behind United.

That, in anybody's book, is progress.

Throw in Torres' 24 league goals, another Golden Gloves award for Pepe Reina for the most clean sheets, the best reserve team in the land, the signing of a world-class holding midfielder in Javier Mascherano and a pretty decent centre half in Martin Skrtel, and you would be forgiven for feeling downright positive.

That is, of course, just as long as you can avoid Shearer and Kamara...

Kam shafted

IN many professions poor preparation would get you the sack. Or, at the very least, a severe word in your shell-like.
But not, it seems, if it’s your job to comment on football.
The myths perpetuated by the media regarding Liverpool FC are many. One of the favourites is the Fernando Torres myth.
The notion that Rafa Benitez cost Liverpool a tilt at the title this year because he rested - or ‘rotated’ as this is so lazily referred to these days - the Spaniard too many times in the league.
This particular rather smelly old chestnut was pulled out the bag again on bank holiday Monday by Chris Kamara.
Speaking on Sky, with a pained expression rising above his ridiculous moustache, he mused that we can only wonder what would have happened if Torres had played more in the league.
And so, yet again, Benitez is painted as the villain of the piece. The mad ‘rotator’ who doesn’t want to win the Premier League and only cares about Europe.
So, back to the preparation. Now, if ‘Kammy’ hadn’t been as busy trimming the tash and putting a bucket of gel on his head, maybe he could have done a little research.
And if he had, he would have discovered the following – out of the 37 Premier League games Liverpool have played this season, Torres has played in 32 of them with 28 starts and four sub appearances.
Of Liverpool’s outfield players, only Jamie Carragher (34 appearances, 33 starts) and Steven Gerrard (32 appearances, 31 starts) can top that.
And Torres has played far more than his fellow strikers with Dirk Kuyt starting 23 games, Andriy Voronin 12 and Peter Crouch just nine (ouch!).
No manager plays their best player in every minute of every game - Alex Ferguson has rested Cristiano Ronaldo, Arsene Wenger has rested Cesc Fabregas and Avram Grant has rested Didier Drogba.
So why pick on Benitez? Over to you Mr Kamara. And a little tip - maybe you should prepare before you answer this one.